Won't Let You Fade Away
by delusionofcontrol
Summary: One shot based on a prompt (imagineyourotp): "Imagine your OTP struggling to figure out what to do with the nursery items after suffering a miscarriage."


Beca was gloomy for the past two weeks. She felt way beyond than being sad, especially when flashbacks of the previous incident constantly crossed her mind. Even though she's an emotional wreck, she had to work and do her duties in the office. She can't be slacking at home and do nothing aside from mourning. She needs to work for the family even if she wanted to stay at home and lay down beside her wife all day and night.

It has been two weeks since Aubrey had a miscarriage and it hadn't been easy. It was really hard for Aubrey to get over with and for her too. They've been waiting for their baby to come and they were close to having her. Everything was doing fine; Aubrey studied everything she needed to know about taking care of her and her baby's health and Beca did anything to assist her wife with her pregnancy. They scheduled regular appointments with the doctor to check up on their baby and even planned way ahead for the baby. Everything was going well as they planned it.

No one saw it coming. Even the doctor was surprised about it.

* * *

_One late night of September, Aubrey was rushed to the hospital. Aubrey and Beca were very excited although Aubrey was feeling intense pain on her stomach. The pain was something she was waiting for and she didn't think of anything else but wanting to see and hold her baby. The couple's friends, Chloe, Jesse and Benji came thirty minutes after to check on them and wait for the baby too. They were patiently talking outside in the waiting room, pretty much excited to see the child. Beca had been in the delivery room with Aubrey for 4 hours and she kept on calming down her wife and told her great things that they'd do as a family when their angel comes. Aubrey smiled at the thought of it even though she's been having a difficult time with labor._

_Moments later, Beca noticed that the doctors and nurses were up to something that she can't really tell. She looked at her wife and wiped away the flowing droplets of sweat on her forehead. Aubrey looked at Beca worriedly. She felt and knew something was wrong but she didn't want to think about it. She held tightly on Beca's hand as the doctor told commands and the nurses moved swiftly to do as they were told. The doctor told Aubrey to have one great push and she obliged. After doing so, the baby was in sight, held by the doctor. Aubrey felt relieved for a moment as her angel came out of her. The blonde was trying hard not to doze off even though she was feeling very exhausted. Beca murmured something in her wife's ear that didn't come out clear to the blonde._

_Beca's smile dropped as she witnessed what was happening in the room. Aubrey had her eyes closed and the sounds she was hearing were just sounds. She can't fathom anything she was hearing._

_The doctor gave an apologetic look at Beca and right then she knew she was gone. Beca's heart skipped as she felt her knees weaken._

_"Time: 2:38 AM"_

_Beca tried to stand up but she can't. She constantly shook her head as she saw her precious love being taken away._

_"No no no no. She's not dead. That can't be! She's not dead! DO SOMETHING!"_

_Beca stood up and screamed but the people around her moved as if they didn't hear anything. Nurses started putting away the tools and cleaned the area. __Tears continuously streamed down her face as she held Aubrey's hand to her chest. Aubrey was oblivious about the things around her due to extreme exhaustion but she knew something happened. She opened her eyes and saw the doctor walk to the side of her wife and silently spoke._

_"We're very sorry Mrs. Posen but we can't do anything anymore. The baby fought really hard but she was too weak. We did everything we can."_

_Beca's hand instantly covered her mouth to suppress her sobs but it didn't go unnoticed by the blonde. Aubrey tugged Beca's hand and she saw her crying._

_"Where is she?" The blonde asked with a hoarse voice but Beca didn't answer. She continued crying while her eyes were shut and shook her head. Aubrey turned to the doctor and asked him._

_"Where is my baby? I want to see her." Aubrey's voice was shaking and her eyes are turning to water. The doctor gave her an apologetic look and right there her heart sank and felt her surroundings froze._

_Aubrey was furious. She tried to get up and get off the bed but Beca held her still._

_"Where's my baby? Give her to me! I don't care what happened! J-just g-give her to m-me!" She demanded and as much as the doctor didn't want to, he still obliged. The nurse gave Aubrey her baby wrapped in a pink blanket, pale and still. She trailed her finger to each feature of her angel as every teardrop seemed like a waterfall flowing from her eyes. She kept her baby in her arms and never let go of her. She sang to her even if her voice was breaking. She told her how much she loves her and held her until she fell asleep._

_Beca kissed their baby and whispered 'I love you so much'. She wanted to hold her too but Aubrey held her tightly that no one can't even touch the baby and take her away from her wife. She looked at her wife's angelic sad face and sobbed as the thought of their baby dead and gone will severely break her wife's heart into pieces as she wakes up in the morning._

* * *

Beca fumbled her keys through the door. As usual, the house was terribly quiet. The sight of the dark home sent stinging pain in her chest. She hung her coat and turned on the lights.

"Bree? Honey, I'm home." Beca called out although she knew her wife won't respond.

She silently went upstairs and carefully opened the door to their bedroom, thinking Aubrey might be sleeping. She turned on the lights in their room and was surprised that her wife wasn't there. She quickly changed into comfortable clothes and went looking for Aubrey. She checked all the places that her wife had usually gone to for the past weeks but she was no where to be found. She went upstairs again to check one room that they've been avoiding ever since the miscarriage happened.

Beca hesitantly twisted the door knob of their daughter's room. There was a dim light coming from the moon and stars designed lamp they got months ago. She scanned the room and there she saw her wife kneeling on the floor. She could hear muffled sobs from Aubrey and right there her tears started flowing. She didn't say anything as she walked closer to Aubrey. She hugged her wife from the back and buried her face at Aubrey's neck.

Aubrey felt tears on her neck but she didn't mind. She cried harder as she clung tightly on the blanket that she personally made for her baby. It was only then that she had the courage to visit the nursery room. She had to, thinking that she had to let all the pain out and move on even if it will surely take her more than weeks or months.

"B-Baby, I'm so sorry you didn't live. We are so s-sorry you haven't had the chance to." Aubrey's voice was broken and her throat was dry and sore from crying.

"I don't care if it sounds crazy but I wish I could go to where you are and be with you, bring you all these things that we prepared for you and give you so much hugs and kisses that we could give for you to feel our love. I just want to have you here in my arms..."

"What do I do with all these stuff?" Beca let go of Aubrey as she lifted an arm and pointed to the things around her.

"These are not ours! They're for you but you're not here. You should be here with us... Baby, I miss you." Aubrey's hands were on the floor.

She sobbed violently, her whole body shaking and almost losing breath. Beca held her arm and tried to turn her around. Aubrey hugged her wife tightly as she continued crying. It pained the brunette so much to see how devastated her wife is. She wanted to take all her pain away but she knew she can't do that alone and feeling the same too. They have to do it together. She hugged her back and tried to control her tears.

"I don't have any idea what to do with them too but whatever you want or think will be the best, then we'll do it. If you want to put them all away or keep them, then so be it..."

"I know how you feel, Bree. I'm upset too that we don't have her here. It was no one's fault. No one wanted that to happen. She may not have lived here with us but I know she felt our love. She felt it while she was in your womb. You were a great mother and I witnessed that. You were so loving and caring to her even when she was still in you. We did everything but it just didn't happen as we hoped."

Beca broke the hug and held Aubrey's face in her hands. They stared in each other's eyes as tears kept flowing.

"I know that this is very difficult but we're not going to give up, ok? This will not stop us from having our own happy family. We'll keep trying, we'll do anything. I'll be here with you all the way and we'll do this together. I just need you to be strong too because you're my rock. I am your rock and I'm trying very hard to keep you from falling apart. I just don't want to see you fading away and breaking into pieces because it's hurting me more than you ever think."

Beca's face moved closer until their lips were touching. She kissed her softly and rested her forehead on Aubrey's, their eyes shut.

"I love you and I want you to know that." She wiped away the tears from her wife's face with her thumb. Aubrey opened her swollen eyes and looked at the love of her life.

"I know and I do too." She smiled at her and gave her a kiss on the lips. They hugged once more and stayed the whole night in the nursery room, imagining and feeling the presence of their daughter. She might not have been there to see what her parents have for her but she'll always have a place in their family, especially in their hearts.


End file.
